Getting a Mother
by fiore777
Summary: Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo knew Rufus as their boss. What if the brothers decide they wanted Rufus to get married so they can have a mother? This is a look at how they go about such a plan :P
1. Chapter 1

_Synopsis_: Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo knew Rufus as their boss, but as he took them in he also had to teach them the things they needed to know about the world. What if the brothers decide they want Rufus to get married so they can have a mother? This is a look at how they lived together prior to the events of FF:AC.

* * *

For as long as they could remember, Rufus was their boss as well as their caretaker. But mother's voice still called to them, the warm of her presence was what they desired and needed. 

"Rufus, where's our mommy?" Loz asked, a frown creasing his ever-so-easy to read face.

"I do not know." He did not really want to lie to them. But he could not let them near Jenova. If was unknown what would happen if that was to occur. So he watched after them himself. _So unknowing of the world they are in, can I really make weapons out of them?_

They were already too powerful to leave alone. Their skills, knowledge they were created with, far exceeded any of this staff's. He could not destroy these innocent children who's only fault was that they were not borne of a natural womb. So Rufus used them for his own ends, perhaps as an excuse not to eliminate them. Rufus would have denied the attachment he felt to them if anyone had asked him. But since no one did, he continued to watch over them.

"You should get married to mom when we find her!" This time it was from Kadaj, the ever energetic and mercurial one.

Rufus smiled at the though, _Yeah, sure. I want to be married to a disembodied being interested in the destruction of this world._

Waving a magazine in front of the distracted Rufus, Yazoo asked what it was. Taking a quick look at the cover, Rufus gaffed and snacked it away. "Where did you get this?" It was a copy of Playboy.

"Reno was looking at it earlier. When he put it down I decided to take a look. So what is it about?" Yazoo was always a mystery to Rufus. Silent, but eager to acquire knowledge, no matter what the subject apparently

"It is for…relaxation." Rufus completely lamely, not sure he wanted to give them The Talk. _Maybe I should get married_, he thought ruefully, _and then whoever it is can answer their questions_. "You should not take things that do not belong to you unless I tell you three to do so."

He tucked the magazine away for later – To return to Reno later, of course. Rufus went back to inspecting the three silver-haired youths before him.

"I am here now to give you three specifically designed armaments for your use." While he trained them, he carefully examined the three and had glimpsed differences in their preferred method of combat.

"Gifts?" Loz asked in excitement, then immediately pretended to remain clam. He looked up to Yazoo's aloof exterior and sought to emulate it whenever the change arose. However, Loz was still hopping from one foot to the other, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the weapons.

A cart was wheeled, it contained the aforementioned weapons. The brothers did not need to be told which belonged to who, they know each other best.

For Loz it was a hand held a wrist-mounted stun gun, Rufus informed him it was called dual hound. Loz's physical appearance matched his preferred method of combat. He fought primarily relying on his hands, enjoying the feel of keeping his opponents close.

Yazoo was the opposite of his brother, which was why their skills completed each other. The long-haired brother exceed at ranged combat. So for him a sword-pistol was forged, the sword portion necessary for if his opponent got within range.

Kadaj's weapon was a double-bladed katana. He, like Loz, enjoyed close combat. But for him, the cutting of flesh and the smell of blood was what he sought. Upon seeing the sword Kadaj giggled in delight and gave Rufus a big hug.

The president of Shinra wondered at his sanity in giving the youngest brother a weapon at all, much less that would cut through most material. _It is probably better then seeing him rage at not getting a weapon._ And truth be told, it was nice to get a hug even if it came from such a wildly unstable individual. In his line of work, hugs were one of the last things he ever expected to receive. _That, and a wife_, Rufus though in derision.

"Whee!" After having given Rufus his hug, Kadaj was now gleefully running about waving the sword about and slashing at the various furniture in the room. Rufus told Kadaj to stop destroying his property, the youth complied reluctantly.

"This is so cool! You are soooo nice to us!" Loz had tears of joy standing out in his eyes.

"A good gun. I'm sure it would be useful." That was the closest to a sign of gratitude Yazoo was ever going to show.

"I expect you three to use those in your training from now on." Rufus was please with their reactions and left to let them play with their new toys.

Once Rufus was out of earshot Loz whispered to his brothers, "We have to do something to repay him for this."

"Agreed, but what should we do for him?" Yazoo questioned, he was not familiar with the concept of getting someone a gift in return for something.

Kadaj snap his fingers, "I know! Let's get Rufus a wife, then she can be our temporary mother until we find our real one." He grinned happily at his brothers.

"What if he doesn't want one?" Loz asked hesitantly. He really did want a mother though.

"He smiled when I said he should marry our mom, that must mean he liked the idea." Kadaj declared.


	2. Chapter 2

"We'll finally have a mommy here with us?" Loz's eyes held tears once again.

Yazoo patted his emotional brother's head, "Don't cry, this is a good thing. I approve of this idea, but where are we going to find someone to marry Rufus?"

The brothers had learned about wives and marriage from the television set, which still mystified them. They could not imagine how so many people could be inside it. Unfortunately, they were forbidden to touch any television for now. Kadaj had sliced one of the sets in half when the people on the screen called for help.

"How about Elena? She's nice to us." Kadaj suggested.

"I pictured our mother would have long hair…" Loz sniffed.

"Hair can be grown out," Yazoo reasoned. "First we have to find out if Rufus likes Elena, people are suppose to marry the one they like." This too they had learned from the television.

"Let's go ask Rufus if he likes her. Just that question shouldn't give away our goals." Kadaj was eager to set the plan in motion.

They left the room to find Rufus. Shortly afterwards they located him eating lunch in the dinning hall. Kadaj got straight to the point, "What do you think of Elena?"

Rufus paused in his meal, wondering what could have possibly prompted such a question. "Well, she's a nice girl. She tries very hard in her job."

"Alright!" Kadaj exclaimed and the three brothers rushed back out into the hallway. Rufus went back to this meal, not at all concerned with what the three were plotting.

Once they put some distance between themselves and the "Did you hear that? He likes her! Now we have to find Elena." Kadaj was thrilled that so far the plan was going well.

"I heard you say my name? For what do you require my assistance?" Elena walked around the corner and gave the three a wave of hello.

"Do you like Rufus?" Kadaj asked bluntly.

"What? Why do you have the sudden need to know that?" Elena asked in surprise.

"Your cheeks are turning a most particular shade of red, why is that? Yazoo never saw anyone's face turn so crimson before.

"Aw, we just want to know, Won't you tell us?" Kadaj attempted a pout. He had seen others do it on the television when they wanted something.

Elena couldn't resist it, "I respect him a lot, and he's brilliant." She was still blushing furiously from the question.

Loz could not wait any longer, "Do you want to marry Rufus?"

Yazoo trotted on his brother's foot. Yazoo whispered, "Be more subtle! You saw how crazy people get at the mention of weddings on the box." Loz rubbed his foot and frowned, not entirely sure what being subtle entailed.

"Rufus is my boss, I couldn't marry him! If you three will excuse me, I have some things to attend to." Elena virtually ran away from the three, not enjoying their awkward questioning.

"That didn't go so well," Kadaj stated." What other females do we know of?" He asked his brothers.

"Uh…how about the girl with the pinwheels for weapons?" Loz suggested, they had seen her around the city before and thought she shuck out from the other people.

"She seems like she would be fun to have around. The only problem is we do not know where to find her." Yazoo said thoughtfully. "I do not suppose either of you heard her name somewhere? We could call her if we know that." Unlike their sorely lacking knowledge in regards to television, they knew perfectly well how to handle cell phones. Rufus made sure they knew exactly how to use tools they would require when out working for him.

Yazoo's brothers shook their heads, not remembering any mention of Yuffie's name, fortunately for her.

Sighing, Yazoo said, "We can ask her if we ever see her out in the city again. In the meantime, are there any other girls we actually know the whereabouts of?"

"Oh, oh! How about that saucy wench at the bar?" Kadaj had read the two words in a description of a barmaid and liked how hey sounded. He wasn't entirely sure what they meant, but that did not concern him

"I heard the kids call her Tifa Lock…something. They children like her, she must be a good mommy," Loz added, "and she has long hair already."

"She also has large breasts. According to the magazine I took from Reno men are suppose to like big breasts." Yazoo was quite proud of his knowledge. He wished Rufus did not take away the magazine though, he only had a chance to read the headings, most of which he did not understand.

"What are breasts?" Loz asked, briefly wondering if they were something edible.

Yazoo pointed at Loz's chest, "Men have flat chests but women have stuff there." He wasn't sure what the stuff there was, but he did not feel the need to tell his brothers that.

"Ooo". Kadaj and Loz uttered in unison, clearly impressed by all the things their brother knew.

"But what's so good about having stuff there? They kind of look like they would just be in the way while fighting." Kadaj state practically.

Yazoo considered the question for a moment and remembered something else he had read. "Breasts are filled with milk. Mothers have it for their children." Familiarity with televisions was not the only information the brothers lacked.

"I like milk," Loz said happily. "The bigger the breasts are the more milk must hold!" He was pleased he had reached such a reasonable conclusion by himself.

"We should ask if Rufus likes milk." Kadaj concluded, and off they went in search of their boss again. This time they found their boss in his office. He was leisurely reading a book on world domination ('Ten easy steps or your money back' was the guarantee on the cover).

Once again, Kadaj was the one who asked the question, "Do you like milk?"

Rufus raised an eyebrow. _Did they find a cow or something?_ "I enjoy milk with my cereal in the morning. It is also enjoyable with tea."

"Do you know how to contact someone by the name of Tifa? We wish to have something delivered." Yazoo remembered the girl worked for some type of delivery/retrieval service.

Rufus pulled up the number and give it to them. "Do make sure whatever you are acquiring does not already belong to someone else." He did not want them to stir any unnecessary trouble like they time they decided to liberate the zoo of a giraffe because they liked the looks of it.

The three backed out of the door again with Loz cheering merrily.

"Now all we have to do call her up, I'll do so now." Kadaj flipped open his phone and punched in the numbers.

The phone rang three times before someone picked up. "Hello, Strife Delivery Services, what can I do for you?"

"Are you Tifa?" Kadaj asked anxiously.

"Yes, who are you?" Tifa did not recognize the voice on the other end of the line.

Kadaj remembered what their boss had told them before they left his room, "Do you belong to anyone?"

"What? Is this some kind of prank call? I do not need to answer that." The phone clicked, indicating that Tifa had hung up.

"What happened? Loz asked, noticing Kadaj glaring at the phone.

"She hung up on me, another dead end." Kadaj snapped the phone shut in annoyance.

"Those are all the women we know," said Yazoo.

"We will just have to look for our real mother even harder now!" Kadaj said determinedly, his brothers nodded in agreement.

* * *

In a little black box surprisingly close by Jenova listened in on their conversation. She resolved that she could not reveal herself to them just yet.

_It is settled, when the reunion occurs I will choose Sephiroth. For one thing, he never tried to get me to marry anyone. _

Jenova continued floating in her box, wishing for her eldest son._ I'm not even certain my breasts gave milk when I had a body._

_The End

* * *

_


End file.
